Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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