Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
two words...techno handjob
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
