so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
