So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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