I love black thongs
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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