If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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