this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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