Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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