I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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