Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
