You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
