i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
