Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
