Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You smell like stripper and shame
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
