I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize