if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize