I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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