I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
