Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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