What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize