i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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