Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
