obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
