There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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