I can't breathe out the right side of my face
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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