I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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