Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
