So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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