I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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