btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
