you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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