You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
