WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
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I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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