I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
