Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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