he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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