your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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