he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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