he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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