just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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