Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
