I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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