I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
