cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
