Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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