take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
