When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
