Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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