Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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