This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
