Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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