all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
