I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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