Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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