im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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