I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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