every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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