Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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