Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
