so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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