Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ttyl tear gas
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You've changed since you got that strap on
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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