bring money and cleavage
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize