i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
