I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
