I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
