I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
