I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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